How to start a text conversation
The first message sets the tone and determines whether the conversation actually goes anywhere. Here's what makes a good opener — and why most first messages don't work.
Why most opening texts fail
The most common openers — "hey," "what's up," "how are you" — fail because they put all the work on the other person. They have to come up with something to say, and if they're busy or not in the mood, the easiest thing is to not reply.
Good openers give the other person something to respond to. They're easy to engage with.
What makes a good opening text
A good first message does one or more of these things:
- References something specific to them or your relationship
- Shares something (a link, observation, update) they can react to
- Asks a question they can answer without thinking too hard
- Is light and low-pressure enough that replying feels easy
Good opening text examples
The "hey" problem
"Hey" alone is almost never enough. It signals that you want to talk but doesn't give the other person anything to work with. If you're going to open with hey, attach something to it immediately — a question, an observation, a share.
Tips for starting conversations
- Be specific — generic messages get generic responses
- Give them something to react to, not just a door to open
- Keep the opener short — you can say more once you're in a conversation
- The more you know about someone, the easier it is to start a conversation with them specifically
- Don't overthink it. An imperfect message sent is worth more than a perfect message unsent.